Pastor Sarah Grace/ May 20, 2020/ Domestic Violence, Wind Haven Mission/ 0 comments

Many people do not understand why an abuse victim doesn’t “just leave” their abuser. There are many reasons why abuse victims stay, mainly linked to a strong psychological hold on the victim. In short, abusers play on a person’s emotions, fears, and codependency to force their victims to stay.

Why Abuse Victims Stay

Victims feel stuck and like they can’t leave for various reasons. For example, they don’t have the resources, they may have been threatened, they may be physically restrained or locked up, they have no where else to go, they think they can help or change their abuser, they are afraid of what might happen if they try to leave, they believe they are protecting their children, etc.

It is rarely easy for a victim to leave. As abusers will threaten suicide, self-harm, even harm or death to the victim or their children. Thus, some are physically trapped, others are psychologically trapped. Victims are manipulated over time into becoming dependent on their abuser.

Sometimes leaving the abuser isn’t the goal for the victim. They don’t want the relationship to end, they want the abuse to end.

Leaving the Abuser

Actually leaving an abuser doesn’t simply guarantee safety. Instead it usually escalates violence. If a person knew without a shadow of a doubt they would be safe and protected, they would probably leave. But there is only so much even the police can do. The abuser will use every method to reach out, harass, intimidate, and coerce the victim to come back or reveal their location. An abuser will stalk the victim, find out their location, etc.

An abuser will promise to change and many times a victim will return to them even after they’ve left. Abuse is not an event, it’s a process. If an abuser isn’t locked up, a victim doesn’t feel fully safe.

Some people grow up in an abusive home and it becomes the only thing they know. They are easily drawn to abusive relationships. Often, they feel worthless and like no one else would want them. They feel fortunate that their abuser wants them.

Abuse & trauma can actually change the shape or chemicals of the brain. Victims end up with crippling PTSD, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, etc.


It is true what they say that knowledge is power. By raising awareness, providing resources, and offering services to help victims feel safe to leave, we can reduce the violence and number of deaths from abuse.

If you are experiencing abuse of any kind, visit our resources page for national hotline numbers, state resources, and shelter locations.

Also, we at Wind Haven are here to help. Contact us via our contact page for assistance with relocation resources, legal resources, education/career resources, or if you just need to talk or would like prayer. If you provide a phone number or would like to arrange a video chat, we are here and will respond to your email as soon as possible within 24 hours. You can also email your prayer requests, and rest assured someone will pray for you or with you if you desire us to do so. All information you provide us is confidential.

If you are experiencing an emergency, please call 911. If you need someone to talk to immediately, please call one of the hotline numbers on our resources page.

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About Pastor Sarah Grace

I'm Pastor Sarah Grace, Co-Pastor & found of Wind Haven Ministry, online Bible Study school admin & teacher, Life Coach, author, web developer, curriculum developer, and scholar. I'm originally from Muncie, IN and currently reside in Warner Robins, GA. Child of God. Mom of three. Blessed by the grace, mercy, and forgiveness of God! ' Nerd. Weird. The opposite of normal. Goofy. Compassionate. Survivor. Epilepsy & Fibromyalgia Warrior. Hobbies include: music. singing. reading. photography. yoga. fishing. firearm safety. camping. bowling.

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