As the abused, we cannot personally help the abuser. Simply put, as the abused person you are too close to the person and situation to help them yourself. By staying in the abusive relationship we actually feed and supply their addiction. An abusive person has to actually want to change and get help themselves. None of this should fall on you, it is not your responsibility. If the abuser asks you to get them help this is a manipulation tactic to keep you involved with them.
Personal change starts with self awareness and the ability to seek help for one’s self. If a person can become personally aware of an internal flaw they can then seek the resources they need that can actually help.
As a ministry we understand that stopping domestic abuse means addressing both sides of the cycle. You and your abuser need to build separate lives. You need to heal and they also need to heal. If you have children co-parenting can be difficult but not impossible. Setting healthy boundaries defining the line between your separate life as an individual and joint parenting are important and must be enforced.
They may try to blur the boundaries. But this is where proper counsel comes in. You each have the individual responsibility to make healthy decisions for yourself and the children. The only thing that you need to collaborate together for is the children.
Setting and enforcing healthy boundaries in this way protects you and helps the abuser. If the abusive person is truly willing to change they will seek help on their own behalf. We as a ministry are here to provide help to either side of the cycle.
If you need help as either an abused person or an abusive person who truly wants to stop hurting others, reaching out for help is important. We can guide this process and share our experiences. But it is important that you remove yourself from the situation to heal separately. Many of the underlying problems related to the abuse were present before your relationship. Thus they are personal problems, not relationship problems.
In order to develop healthy relationships in the future you have to become the right person yourself. This is accomplished best through individual therapy. As you discover more about yourself through this process and become your best self; you will understand your value and what you deserve out of life and with a partner in life.
It is our belief that God can reach anyone. He can spark change in anyone. He can fix or change anyone. Abusers are broken people too. As a ministry we intend to break the chains of abuse.